Hi My Blogger Friend,
I’m sorry I haven’t been around in blogland much these past few months, but I have caught up on your all your postings as of tonight.
I debated on whether to give you some advice this time around, and the advice-o-meter tilted! LOL
It’s strange, there are so many times when I come to your blog and read what has been going on with you. Sometimes I feel like I replaying certain parts of MY life and MY past while listening/reading your experiences.
I too had the situation where I was in a relationship with a man that was not supportive and unwilling to compromise in regards to my agoraphobia, panic and anxiety attacks. I finally got so fed up with him that I broke it off, and then felt bad because he begged me to stay with him and that he would try to be more supportive, etc., etc. Three months later, he cheated on me and dumped me. I was soooo devastated!! I had the control and inner strength to finally break up, but he was so good at manipulating me into staying with him, only to be dumped over the phone. What’s with that?
Needless to say, I allowed him to bulldoze my self esteem, self confidence, and inner strength,
I hope you don’t mind, but there are a few things I would like to share with you that I have learned from this experience.
1.) Grieve. Grieve as though there is no possibility of ever seeing or running into him again.
2.) After about 2-3 weeks of grieving, gather up all the stuffed animals, gifts, trinkets, and pictures and put them in a box. Give this box to your parents to put in the basement, but not tell you where it is.
3.) Breathe. Walk out your door, stand in your yard, and tilt your head up to the sky and Breathe! Let the sky engulf your every essence….then…. consciously decide to Let Go! The feeling of letting go of this toxic relationship does not come easy and takes a good long while. You have memories, good and bad, but the good memories are an illusion. If you think back to almost every good memory with him, you realize that you were the one who made the good memory happen. You are the one who compromised. You are the one who was manipulated. How often did he actually contribute to any of your happy memories? You probably had made sooo many sacrifices to achieve that happy memory. Think about how many of those happy moments turned quickly into you being upset, disappointed, feelings of emptiness, not feeling good enough, desperately wanting to please, and eventually completely exhausted from all of the compromising, sacrifices, and excuses you have made for each disappointment; only to cry yourself to sleep. How many times did you make a bargain with yourself that it will work itself out – only for the pattern to start all over again.
4.) Eventually, you should be feeling a little stronger and you will start to find some clarity.
G’s not a bad guy. He’s just not capable of being the man that you need. But because we agoraphobics feel that we’re not in a position to meet very many men, we hold on tight to the dysfunctional ones because we feel like that’s all we’re going to get. (Even if we are pretty!)
YOU are where you are at in life right at this moment for a reason. You are becoming more enlightened and he knew he was losing you. He manipulated you into taking him back because he felt you were getting stronger and more assertive with how you wanted the take control of the direction your life is going to go in, and he couldn’t handle that it wasn’t going his way he wanted and/or that you weren’t agreeing with everything HE wanted for you. So, most of your relationship was a struggle back and forth, right?
Now that you understand (reluctantly) that you’re relationship was dysfunctional and not nurturing, you can eventually move on and focus on yourself…. your health, your well-being, your future, etc. You’ll be amazed at how freeing it is to not have to have the argument about the phobia, panic attacks, your limited lifestyle, depression. It will be such a relief that you can eventually put your guard down.
He was in your life for a reason. His personality, the relationship, the companionship, the baby, the agoraphobia, the triumphs and disappointments, all the good, all the bad…. you were meant to learn these lessons and carry forward in life with them.
Eventually, you will have an epiphany. You do not need him or ANY man for that matter. But, you will eventually WANT a man in your life and because of everything you have gone through with G--ry, you will be able to choose someone who will be mature. You might go through a few frogs before you find the prince, but I guarantee you will find an amazing man who will accept you for ALL that you are!
It’s time for you to admit a few things to yourself (not bloggers.) It’s OKAY to have agoraphobia, panic attacks, anxiety, and all that other sucky stuff we have to deal with. It makes us the special women that we are. I think you will find that once you stop feeling guilty for what are society has labeled as inadequacy and being different, you will then realize how great and worthy a woman you are! Idiosyncrasies and all. We see and experience things that the average person could NEVER understand, deal with, and survive. Every panic attack, every anxiety attack, and all the negative self-talk crap we go through just to get our asses out the door to breathe and feel like a part of this world, is taking us one step closer to that exclusive club in heaven called “The AgoraBitches Club.”
With Sincere Kindredship,
P.S. If you have a better name for the club, let me know!! LOL!!