Monday, January 26, 2009

Why do we carry a torch so long when someone has broken up with us?


     "Someone who leaves you becomes very powerful to your emotional brain. They become powerful simply by being able to inflict so much pain. Being left is perceived by your mammalian brain as an attack upon your personal being. It etches an indelible impression in a primitive part of the brain that acts automatically to protect you. It conditions your mammalian brain to react with fear each time you encounter the person whom it perceives as dangerous to your well being. Acting beneath your conscious awareness, it maintains a constant vigil on your abandoner. You experience this as being temporarily obsessed with the person. Your nerves are set to 'go off' if you should unexpectedly bump into them later on or see them with a new love. This enduring emotional reactivity is known as 'carrying a torch.' You are confused into thinking that if the pain can last that long and feel so strong, the person must have been very special. But this is not so. You can feel this way over anyone, even someone who had nothing special to offer. It is just your mammalian brain efficiently trying to warn you not to make the same mistake again."

Hi! It's Me Here! 

Okay, so, even though my pain was so strong and lasted so long, it doesn't necessarily mean that MSK was that important to me?  I. Don't. Think. So. People.  The other day, I received a phone call from MSK and when I heard his voice (after a few months of not talking), I had a big smile on my face and my heart swelled with .... ? I don't know ? .... love? 

But don't worry my friends, my mammalian brain is working efficiently enough to warn me not to make the same mistakes again!

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