Saturday, December 27, 2008

"Christmas" Confession

You know how this is supposed to be a magical and merry time of year...... that's crap!   

For years now, I have tried to have a positive-spirit and attitude around this time of year.  I believe I have pulled it off again this year and I know no one noticed that I was feeling a little lonely and empty.  I was mostly disappointed, as I am every year, that there was no amazing, wonderful, miracle-like climax on Christmas day or night.

I baked a ton a cookies and made cookie trays for the neighbors and family.  I put up a beautiful light display on the house and in the yard.  I handmade cute cards to send out to everyone (see below).  Yet, I truly was disappointed when Christmas Eve and Christmas Day came.  There was no holly jolly; no Ho Ho Ho.  The angel was on top of the tree, but she just stared at me.  She has no magical glow about her anymore.

In all honesty, I couldn't tell you when the last time was that I truly enjoyed Christmas (except for when I was a child.) 

Here is an example.  Christmas four years ago, I was with MSK and he and I went to a friends cabin in Canada for the holiday.  I was soooo hoping it would be truly special.  Instead of him giving me a nice card and a gift(s), he gave me a plain white envelope with a little note inside and cash.  My heart sank to the floor.  I knew then that I would never be a priority in his life (along with other clues - DUH!), and it crushed my holiday spirit - again. 


Now, this is the part where I make a vow to continue on in my quest to find the magic and joy of Christmas, but guess what?  I'm not going to lie to myself and I'm not going to lie to my blog friends.  I give up.  Maybe if I have no expectations, I'll be pleasantly surprised next year (or the year after that, or the year after that.)


Hope you like the Christmas card I sent out to everyone.  Thanks for stopping by to listen to my tales of woe. 



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